The go-getting, dream-chasing, ambitious woman with a plan is also the neurotic, painfully shy, self-doubter.
I'm not sure what it is about me. I've never had small dreams. I never wanted to learn to play the piano. I wanted to be a concert pianist. I never wanted to be an intern. I wanted to run Capitol Hill.
Not that I'm saying I ever made it past Fur Elise or being the pion clerk everyone got to yell at - but it's just part of my make up. I can see myself achieving things.
I guess some people call that vision.
But in the waiting and reaching and grasping and hoping, there is a well of self-doubt and fear that can all but sink my efforts to move forward.
I find myself home tonight, baking bread and wondering where I get off thinking I can run my own bakery. I never went to pastry school! I've never owned a business!
What makes me think I can do this???????
Answer: I have NO idea.
But deep down, past that sour well of disbelief, there's a spring of confidence and it just keeps bubbling up.
So, yeah, I've never baked for my own livlihood. I've never operated a business myself. But there's a stack of pictures that tell me I've got something going on here. And there's a lot of people who can tell you my work is worth the money...(I wish they'd post comments, but hey...you can't have it all!).
So I will keep searching, searching, searching for the next safe place to put my flour-covered foot.
I suppose the uncertainty is part of the process.