I'd Like to Say This Is About Cake, but...

Here's a personality glitch for you.

The go-getting, dream-chasing, ambitious woman with a plan is also the neurotic, painfully shy, self-doubter. 

I'm not sure what it is about me.  I've never had small dreams.  I never wanted to learn to play the piano.  I wanted to be a concert pianist.  I never wanted to be an intern.  I wanted to run Capitol Hill. 

Not that I'm saying I ever made it past Fur Elise or being the pion clerk everyone got to yell at - but it's just part of my make up.  I can see myself achieving things. 

I guess some people call that vision.

But in the waiting and reaching and grasping and hoping, there is a well of self-doubt and fear that can all but sink my efforts to move forward.

I find myself home tonight, baking bread and wondering where I get off thinking I can run my own bakery.  I never went to pastry school!  I've never owned a business! 

What makes me think I can do this???????

Answer: I have NO idea. 

But deep down, past that sour well of disbelief, there's a spring of confidence and it just keeps bubbling up.


photo credit

I cannot shake this sense of purpose I have. 

So, yeah, I've never baked for my own livlihood.  I've never operated a business myself.  But there's a stack of pictures that tell me I've got something going on here.  And there's a lot of people who can tell you my work is worth the money...(I wish they'd post comments, but hey...you can't have it all!). 

So I will keep searching, searching, searching for the next safe place to put my flour-covered foot. 

I suppose the uncertainty is part of the process.